


My senses swivel like guns in their fixed sockets

by crookedspoon



Series: Feed Me, Also, River God [34]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/F, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, My First Work in This Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 05:24:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13606458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: Waking up in a hospital after her near-fatal attack, Linda assesses the emotions her own mortality has shaken up. She doesn't want to feel in need of protection, but at the same time, she's glad for Maze's presence by her side.





	My senses swivel like guns in their fixed sockets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coaldustcanary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coaldustcanary/gifts).



The last thing she remembered was pain. So much pain.

She awoke to none of it, an absence brought on by a heavy dose of morphine – which explained the jarring undercurrent of amusement keeping her afloat.

The bright lights were blinding, but Linda didn't need to open her eyes to know she was in a hospital. The sanitized smell, the crispy sheets, the airy gown. Not to mention the muffled bustle beyond the door. The world beyond her own apartment was never that busy. Or perhaps she never noticed because she often left before the general populace got out of bed.

Ever since Lucifer had showed up in her office unannounced and disrupted her day, she had fallen behind on filing her reports. Which was what she had been doing when—

_Lucifer._

Memory slowly pieced itself back together.

She'd almost died, and yet here she was, thinking about the last time she allowed herself to sleep in.

"Good, you're up," a voice by her bedside said.

Linda relaxed as quickly as she gasped, because she had nothing to fear from Maze.

Maze uncrossed her leather-sheathed legs and tossed a gift-wrapped _something_ into her lap. Knowing Maze, it could be anything, from an ancient sex toy to a severed limb. Linda didn't think it was the latter, because the gift barely had any weight at all and its wrapping paper wasn't soaked in blood. That at least was some relief.

"You didn't have to get me anything," she said softly, hoping her gratitude was audible despite how weak her voice was.

"That's okay," Maze insisted with a forceful nod. "Open it."

Linda ran her fingers along the paper hesitantly, her thoughts brewing up a storm. She remembered defying the Goddess of Creation and paying for it. Her hands trembled. 

"Where is she?" She had to know. Her fingernails picked at the sticky tape, as if her nervousness would banish Lucifer's mother for all eternity.

"Relax, she can't hurt you anymore," Maze tried to reassure her, not very successfully.

"What happened?" Linda asked.

"I don't know the details, but he got rid of her. Cast her into the void or some shit, the old bitch."

"Lucifer did what?"

"Yeah." Maze shrugged. This part of the conversation she'd rather like to skip. Calming humans wasn't really part of her job description. "Bottom line is, she won't bother any of us anymore."

"Thank God." Linda heaved a sigh of relief, when the irony of that statement hit her. "Or, you know..."

Maze cracked a smile that was more canines than anything.

"Enough chit-chat," Maze said and leaned forward with her hands clasped, eagerly awaiting Linda's verdict about her present.

Answering her with a smile of her own – a much softer version – Linda carefully undid the sticky tape and peeled back a layer of wrapping paper to unravel a small plush bulldog.

Before Linda had the chance to react, Maze explained:

"I wanted to get you something to protect you, in case something like this ever happened again. I couldn't get you an actual Hellhound since that would obviously have meant returning to Hell," Maze gave a short, cruel laugh, "and Decker said they don't allow dogs into the hospital anyway, so this was the next best thing I could think of."

Maze shrugged, as if none of this was a big deal.

Linda, however, was struck by the reminder of her own vulnerability, so she channeled her discomfort into tiny action and dug her thumbs into the plushie so it would wave its forepaws. How useless a protector it must be if Linda herself could manipulate its actions so easily.

"Thank you, Maze," she said nevertheless, grateful despite the implications. "That's very sweet."

Maze frowned. 

Linda knew her well enough to gather that there was something else she wanted to say but couldn't bring herself to.

"What is it, Maze?"

Maze fixed her steely gaze at Linda, and if her psychiatric training hadn't prepared her for this, she might have taken it personally.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you," Maze said finally.

Linda stopped kneading her new 'protector' to look at the woman by her side. 

"You couldn't have known," she said softly.

"I should have," Maze berated herself, "I knew what that woman was capable of, and yet I didn't do anything."

"None of this was your fault," Linda tried to reassure her, although a treacherous part of her wondered if it was. What if Maze could have known; could have saved Linda?

"Sure feels like it," Maze said.

It was strange, seeing this woman, who was a demon from Hell, beating herself up over something she could not have influenced.

Suppressing a groan, Linda forced herself to sit upright and lean over to place her hand on top Maze's.

"It's okay," she said. "I'm not mad."

Because that was the truth. No matter what else could have been, had circumstances been different, she didn't blame Maze for anything that had happened. Anger was the farthest thing from her mind, though perhaps if she had been honest with herself, she'd known that she had, in fact, been angry at Lucifer for dragging her into this mess.

Not that it mattered. Maze wasn't to blame, so there was no reason for Linda to bring it up here. Instead, she squeezed Maze's hand tighter and smiled an apologetic smile, before sinking back into her pillow again.

"I'm glad you're here now."

Maze perked up at that, narrowing her eyes in suspicion but at the same time allowing a smirk to tug at her lips.

If she was about to say something more, Linda would never find out, because at that moment, Lucifer decided to barge into the room as if it were an award ceremony.

"Ah, doctor!" he said, sounding vaguely foreboding. "Good, you're awake."

Behind him, Detective Decker peered into the room, ready to back out at the smallest sign of Linda's need for privacy.

Linda squared her shoulders and breathed deep, pretending she was ready to welcome visitors. She didn't know whether she was, precisely, not having had time to assess her own state of mind, but she knew she didn't want to be alone right now, so the more, the merrier, right?

Chloe was carrying a bouquet of flowers, a thoughtful gift for anyone who found herself in the hospital. Yet at the same time it made Linda think of funeral arrangements – something she only narrowly escaped.

"Thank you," she said as Chloe put the flowers on her bedside table, readily slipping on the role of hostess.

Chloe asked her how she was feeling, in a voice so soft Linda was sure she usually only used it on her daughter Trixie. Did Linda strike her as that small and vulnerable in this moment, so in need of protection, even of a more level tone?

Lucifer, at the same time, was making himself at home, as if the venue was a hotel suite and not a hospital room. Linda knew that was his way of coping with the situation of nearly seeing his friend die, but... whatever words came out of Lucifer's mouth went over her head. She could hear him making sounds but it was like she was underwater. None of his words reached her.

She'd nearly died because of his feud with his mother. She didn't blame him for that, but the fear she was experiencing was huge and overwhelming. She felt silenced in its presence.

So she smiled and pretended to be fine.

She didn't want to worry anyone, after all. The last thing she needed was anyone fussing over her.

She could take care of herself. Even if her hands trembled when she so much as lifted a glass of water. She smiled and thanked Chloe again when she offered to put it aside for her.

Linda would be fine, but first she needed to be alone. She wasn't ready to receive visitors and to entertain them so soon. Intellectually, she knew that this was not required of her, yet she had difficulty convincing herself. Especially when Lucifer demanded her attention simply by being in the room.

Maze seemed to pick up on that, or maybe she was just fed up with Lucifer herself. In any case, she eventually bullied the others out of the room, despite Lucifer's protests that visiting hours were far from over.

"You didn't have to do that," Linda said once the door was closed again.

"Yeah, I did. You're welcome."

Linda allowed herself a small smile. Perhaps Maze didn't have to, but Linda was grateful that she did. As soon as quiet settled over the room, Linda noticed how exhausted she was.

Trying to convince everyone (and most of all herself) that she was fine had really taken a toll on her. All because she didn't want them to see how vulnerable she was. She didn't want them to worry, and she didn't want them to think of her as someone in need of protection.

She looked at the plush dog in her lap, given to her as a symbol of protection. She decided to name him Oscar.

Perhaps she did need protection from her own pride sometimes. Whatever led her to believe she could take on a celestial being?

She hoped it wouldn't come to another test of will in the near future. She had yet to recuperate from the last one.

"You okay?" Maze asked.

"I will be," Linda said, and it was easier not to force herself to smile this time.

A lot of things were easier with Maze around, so Linda was glad she had decided to stay. 

"Oh, and Maze?" she said as she sank back into her pillow, little Oscar cradled in her arm. 

Maze perked up and stopped twirling her knife for a moment.

It was difficult to convey the full depth of her gratitude, so Linda didn't even try.

"Thanks," she murmured simply.

A part of her expected Maze to shrug off the sentiment, but instead, Maze grinned. "You bet."

Linda couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips or the warmth she was feeling for the other woman. It didn't matter.

With Maze at her side, Linda found that her sleep was more restful, hospital bed or no.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "A fortification" by Margaret Atwood.
> 
> Rebloggable post [here](https://crookedspoonfic.tumblr.com/post/171072429195/chocolatebox-lindamaze-t).


End file.
